Cheers to 2010 ladies, but let me stress one thing. The holidays are over, and with them goes our cherubic plea for good wishes and happiness.
Jollyness is for Santa, and he is fat. It's January, and the brittle weather matches our cold hearts. Yes, our past blogs might have been festive and fun, but as anybody with a true sense of high-fashion knows, now is the time to buckle down and rejoice in your hunger.
Kate Moss has received an incredible amount of criticism for her recent statement: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. But we say: Brava Kate!
When you can shimmy your way into a petite Chanel dress the sense of achievement that soars through your malnourished body is a high unlike any other. So you celebrate with a cigarette and your head held high as you whip your hair back and strut your way through the city- un exploit incroyable!
So girls, do not be discouraged when you went shopping on January 2nd, 2010 and were more than a little dishearted when you found you had to move up a size in jeans. Think of it as motivation, because in the world of cutthroat fashion, which is so sharp it could slice you in half and leave you for dead, only the strong survive. And if you think all the celebs and models are getting by these days with exercise and 5 small meals a day (I'm looking at you, Lohan)
you are sorely mistaken.We Fein Girls happen to know for a fact that what keeps most of today's socialites gaunt and dim-eyed and high up on every designer's wish-list, is a a brand-name psychostimulant by the name of Adderall. Yes, in between small snacks of ice-chips and the occasional almond, what many of these girls do is partake in this amphetamine that decreases appetite and fatigue, while increasing alertness, libido, and concentration.
Also known fixes for the post-holiday tummy are full body flushes such as The Master Cleanse, and laxative teas. Should any of you be interested in either of these, you are in luck. Because the Fein Team has expertly explored both.
For the Master Cleanse make sure you carry your concoction of maple syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper, around with you throughout the day. Avoid cardio-heavy workouts (fainting will ensue) and stay on it at least 10-days. And if you complain about being hungry when you are on it, you are lying. All your caloric needs are met with the maple syrup, so toughen up and go try on some shoes at Barneys.
As teas go, we suggest going for the green-kind. Green Teas (such as Smooth Move) are heavy in antioxidants and do a terrific job of flushing out your body.
We are not trying to be harsh, merely realistic. Sure there are some people who are genetically gifted in the way that they resemble a bean pole, but for those of us that are not, there is nothing else to do but rejoice with ice water, high heels and the occasional hunger-induced hallucination.
Trust us, when you strut off to your next party you will feel more than fabulous if you can wriggle your way back down to your smallest size, and be twice as happy that you saved up your daily dose of calorie-consumption for a few cocktails (hello, sugar!)
And just in case you thought we were mean, we're willing to throw you a bone...peanut butter ladies. One spoon, and one spoon only in the afternoon will bring you out of your mid-day slump and banish the caffeinated jitters that haunt you after your second cup of black coffee.
And besides, don't you want to fit into your Crystal Jin bikini come summer?
Here is a list of our favorite things to ring in the new year with:
-Diet Coke
-Stimulants
-Alexander McQueen Stretch lace bandage dress
-Ice water
-Chewing gum
-Vodka Sodas with a splash of lime
-Yves Saint Laurent chain-detail Leather Clutch
-Special K with Red Berries if you must eat
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